dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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