Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize