I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
