walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
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You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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