Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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