I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
