I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
