No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
