His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
