adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's shark week go big or go home
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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