this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
