I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
