I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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