Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
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we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
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You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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