i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
