I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
