Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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