I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
