dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
