Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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