Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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