i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I enjoy the company of your penis
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
