Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
