if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
