He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
