Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
