One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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