sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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