omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
