this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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