My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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