Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
