i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
