I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
