She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
