my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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