U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
