Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
