Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
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Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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