its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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