Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
