nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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