my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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