One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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