He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
