I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
