you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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