the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
