Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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