It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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