My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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