I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
