this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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