um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
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He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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