so that wasnt chicken after all
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
