I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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