In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
