you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
