Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
