dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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