It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
