I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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