I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
