I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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