I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
