Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
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so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
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Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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