I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
