i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
whose parrot is this?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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