I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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