arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
