that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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