that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
