My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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