shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
