I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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