Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize