i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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